Domestic Dad Nativity Bikkies

The Doc loves Christmas, bless his festive little socks. This year his enthusiasm for the jolly season extended to the random (quite possibly drunk) online purchase of a Christmas print rolling pin, which he presented to me proudly, saying ‘You can make Christmas biscuits with the kids!’. It was an announcement made with all the wild naivety of someone who has never actually done cookery with children, and who is blissfully ignorant to the fact that yuletide baking (or any time of year baking for that matter) with the ‘assistance’ of small humans is very likely to end up in yulebesorry and yuleprobalyloseyourfuckingmind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very bloody cute idea but also, no thank you. Seeing as my sanity is already hanging on by a very tenuous thread at this time of year, I decided it would be more fun for everyone (mostly me), if he donned the apron for crazy-making biscuit-baking while I watched from the sidelines. With a wine, because fuck it, it’s Christmas.

If you’re eager/ game/ foolish/ drunk enough to want to have a crack at your own nativity bikkies I can help out with a recipe that happens to be gluten free, paleo friendly and oddly enough, vegan, but all you really need to know is that it’s dead easy. If you’re making them with kids may the festive force be with you. Preferably in liquid form.

Get this stuff

1 C almond meal

1/2 C tapioca / arrowroot flour

1/4 C dark cocoa

1/4 C nut butter or tahini

1/4 maple syrup

1 Tbls melted coconut oil

1 tsp vanilla 

pinch of salt

Do this with it

Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees and line a baking tray with non-stick paper.

Throw all the ingredients into a kitchen whiz and blitz to well thoroughly into fine crumb. The mixture will appear crumbly but should hold together when you give a handful a squeeze.

Tip it all out onto a piece of non-stick baking paper then knead, squeeze and pummel it to form a dough ball. Then rest it in the fridge for about 10 minutes to firm up slightly.

Give your rolling pin a spray with coconut oil to stop the dough sticking then roll out to about 3/4 cm thick.

Now let the kids go to town with their cutters and make a complete massacre of it. Take a deep breath and let it go.

Transfer the cut shapes the prepared tray, knead the offcuts back into a ball and repeat until all mixture is used or you just can’t handle the carnage anymore. Any leftovers can just be rolled into balls and squished into basic cookies. Or more likely nabbed by small swift hands and eaten raw. 

Bake for 12 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on the tray slightly before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely and harden.

If you have more patience and sanity stores than me you can undertake stage 2: decorating, but that’s a whole other level of crazy making.

Store in an airtight container for, I dunno, a few days or so. They never last long enough here for that to be an issue.