Five Dolla Fish Cakes

There’s nothing quite like the pre-house move freezer clear out to remind myself that I am a total fucking liar. With each layer of iced and sometimes unidentifiable food items, I’m reminded of all the good intentions I failed to follow through on. A potpourri of bruised and bitten fruit that never became smoothies, baking or baby food, three, yes three ham bones (bitch likes the salty pig) whose destiny as soup remains unfulfilled, remnants of the ice cream I told the kids we didn’t have and then ate when they weren’t looking, and peas, always a fucking esca-peas sprinkled like squishy confetti through the bottom of the drawer. My most recent exploration also turned up half a bag of basa fillets that I know I purchased for a definite purpose - although I’m fucked if I know what that purpose was. Although I may be an expert procrastinator with a sieve-like memory, I refuse to let a bag of random fish defeat me (plus it was all we had for dinner and fuck a feral o’clock supermarket run with three kids), so it give me great pleasure to present budget friendly as fuck Five Dollar Fish Cakes! A fast and easy fix to transform cheap frozen fish fillets into a tasty meal for the whole family for about a fiver. If only the wine I need to cope with house moving was as fiscally pleasing!

So, were these little fishy fellas delicious? Fuck yes! Worth suffering through the headfuck that is packing and moving? Don’t be fucking silly. But the good news is you don’t have to be in that living hell to enjoy them, you can simply source some soft white fish from the supermarket deli or freezer section, like a fucking normal person.

Get this stuff

500 grams basa or soft white fish - fresh or defrosted

1 red onion, roughly chopped

1 t onion powder

1 garlic clove, crushed or 1 t garlic powder

1 T Thai green curry paste *

1/2 C almond meal

1 T coconut flour

A good handful of fresh coriander or thai basil**

2 spring onions, finely sliced

Optional: plain or flavoured panko crumb (Pepper and Me gluten free lemon herb crumb is a very fucking tasty option)

1 T coconut oil for cooking

*If you’re feeding small people who might have an aversion to spice you can omit the paste or portion some out for them then add the curry to the remaining mix

** If you’re a coriander hater please don’t email me about it being the devil, just leave it out or sub in the thai basil which has a fab fresh flavour that won’t make you throw a tantrum

Do this with it

Pre-heat the oven to 200 degrees

Throw the fish fillets, red onion, garlic, onion powder and curry paste in the blender and blitz to form fish mince.

Toss in the almond flour and coconut flour and blitz again to combine.

Add the spring onions and coriander or basil then and pulse to mix through without totally pulverising the fresh herbs into oblivion.

Scoop out large tablespoon-ish sized blobs, roll into balls and dunk in crumb if you fancy it. Yes, the mixture will be sticky and yes, you will get dirty hands, deal with it. It will help to dampen your hands as you go to stop the fish mix glooping all over them.

Dollop the coconut oil onto a large cooking tray and whack the tray in the oven to let the oil melt.

Remove the tray and tilt it all around to get a good all-over oil coating. Or use a pastry brush. Efficient, but less fun.

Plonk the fish cakes onto the oiled tray then them flip them so they have a light coating of oil on both sides which will stop them sticking and also help get the golden brown finish going on.

Shove the tray in the oven and bake for 15 minutes. Flip the fish cakes and cook for a further 10-15 minutes until golden and gorgeous.

Alternatively you could totally pan fry or shallow fry them but that’s a lot of fucking admin I usually can’t be arsed with.

Serve with a herby slaw and some spicy dipping sauce if you can handle the heat plus a side of smug satisfaction and creating a meal that’ll please your stomach and your wallet.