Cauliflower Gnocchi

If you thought you’d seen everything cauliflower could lie about being - pizza, rice, bread, béchamel, fun - then think again my friends because here it is again as fluffy pillows of gnocchi delight. 

Unlike my usual style of cooking this one actually requires a moderate amount of fucks to be given in terms of steps to take. None of them are particularly hard and all can be done with a one year old climbing your leg and tearing the kitchen apart underfoot, however a small demanding human is not essential to the process and truth be told it’d probably be easier without. Trust me here though, the meal is worth a wee bit of fannying about and I have full fucking faith in your ability to saddle up and follow through. 

Get this stuff

600 grams cauli, finely riced/ minced

1/2 - 3/4 C arrowroot/ tapioca flour

1/2 tsp salt

Optional to make it super savoury tasty goodness:

1 tsp onion powder 

1 tsp garlic powder

Do this with it

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees if you’re going to cook the gnocchi straight away. Alternatively you can prep it, fridge it and cook it later.

Lightly steam cauliflower rice in a large, wide based pan for approx 5 mins until tender to the bite and ever so slightly sticky - you should also be able to smell that certain cooked cauli je ne sais quoi, eeever so slightly reminiscent of old man flatulence. But don’t let that put you off.

Pour into a clean, dry cheesecloth or tea towel (not the one you dried the dishes with), allow to cool for a few minutes before wringing to squeeze out as much water as possible. The cooling bit is essential unless you have asbestos coated hands or enjoy blisters. Rubber gloves are also handy.

Throw the cauli in a food processor with 1/2 C of arrowroot and the salt and blitz to thoroughly combine. The goal is to make a kneadable dough that holds together, this will depend on how damp your cauli was so you may need to add a little more arrowroot at a time to reach the right consistency.

Sprinkle some extra arrowroot onto the bench, scoop the mixture out and give it a knead to form a good sticky-together dough ball. Split the dough into 6-8 lumps to work with. Keep the bench lightly dusted to avoid stockage then starting with one piece of dough roll out into a tube approx 2 cm in diameter and cut into approx 2-3 cm pieces. No need to get the ruler out, just something about bite sized is the goal. Repeat with all of the dough.

If you’re prepping to cook later you can pause here and stash the gnocchi in the fridge to cook later. Or keep on trucking through…

Line an oven tray with baking paper and give it a light drizzle of olive oil. 

Bring a large pot of water to the boil (I use the same large saucepan I steamed the cauli in) and drop the cauli in. As the float to the surface scoop out with a slotted spoon and transfer to the oven tray and given them another little sprinkle of oil on top.

Bake for 15-20 minutes, turn gently and bake again for another 15-20 minutes until you have a tray full of glorious golden little pillows.

From there what you do with them is up to you - just choose your favourite pasta sauce and toss them through! One of my favourite sauces to use is the Brocolli Pesto Deception from my cookbook. As the name may suggest it’s made from broccoli so you can double up on the sneaky bastard hidden veggies and revel in your cunning mastery creating an Italian-ish inspired meal that’s really just a compilation of duplicity and deceit with hidden vegetables and low-carb, faux-carb falsehoods. Brilliant, evil fucking genius.

Cauli gnocchi + broccoli pesto, LIES, LIES, very delicious LIES!